Equal Opportunity Discrimination - It's For Our Own Good

I haven’t written anything for this column in a long time primarily because I haven’t found that there has been much of anything to write about. When I started Jack’s Perspective, the attitude about barebacking was largely hostile. I felt compelled to become a voice of reason for our community and help break down the hysteria and animosity towards those of us who choose to not use condoms when we have sex. And I guess my efforts were not in vain. The subject of barebacking is no longer the hot-button topic it once was. A larger percentage of our gay community has come to accept that barebacking is part of our sexual culture – whether they approve of it or not. Oh, sure, there are still those wackos out there who get their designer briefs in a knot over the practice of unprotected sex, but they are not the large majority they once were.

That having been said, I do find it strange that within our own community of barebackers we have divisive issues that apparently run deep, and so I plan to tackle those as they come up. One of these issues, and I think it’s an important one, is the issue of sero-sorting.

Ever since I started promoting sero-sorting as a tool for us to use in eliminating the spread of HIV I’ve run into folks who are opposed to it because they feel that sero-sorting discriminates against people with HIV. It’s a valid point to some degree, and I cannot argue that it is a form of discrimination. But I fail to see what the anxiety is about.

First of all, sero-sorting started primarily in the HIV+Positive community. While its exact origins are unknown (as is often the case with grass-roots movements), a fellow by the name of Robert Brandon Sandor has staked the claim as the originator of the idea. "Brandon", as he is most commonly known, is a long time survivor with HIV and he began hosting HIV+Positive-only sex parties a number of years back. His intention was an admirable one… to stop the spread of HIV at bareback parties by limiting the attendance to those who already had the virus. And, as a byproduct, hopefully ingrain this practice of segregating into the behaviors of the men who attended. Eventually a name came up for this form of sexual segregation: sero-sorting. It means, literally, segregating by blood. It is, perhaps, a shortened version of ‘sero-status sorting’.

So… for all of the HIV+Positive men who have balked at sero-sorting and called it discrimination, you can take some comfort knowing that the idea sprung forth from one of your own, and not – as perhaps many of you assume – from bug-fearing souls in the HIV-Negative camp. Hopefully that will ease a little of your anxiety.

I cannot disagree that sero-sorting is discrimination, but it’s equal opportunity discrimination. HIV-Negative men can practice it to remain HIV-Neg and HIV+Positive men can practice it to prevent new infections. And THAT my friends is the core idea behind sero-sorting. It’s not a one-sided deal. It’s practical, self-imposed discrimination that works to break the chain of HIV transmission. It’s a choice. It’s a behavior. And it can be your preference if you choose to adopt it as one.

I have frequently heard the argument that sero-sorting eliminates possible sex partners and lifemates. The more romantic of you will say "I don’t want to shut my heart out to anyone", or "I can’t help it if I fall in love with someone who is of the other HIV status", or "What if my soul mate is of the other HIV status".

Look at me. Can you see me rolling my eyes???

I am here to tell you that most of you already limit who you give the opportunity to share your sappy little hearts with. Look at the profiles you post all over the internet: No fats, no fems, no blacks, no Asians, no Jews, no CD's, no TV's, no smokers, no alkies, nobody over 30, nobody under 25, no total bottoms, no little dicks, no uncut dicks, no flakes, no druggies, no married guys, no Republicans, no trolls, no twinks, no men from mars, no sea creatures, no, no, no… If that’s not closing your heart to the world of possibilities I don’t know what is. Every one of those items is a limitation or a prejudice. But yet we consider these prejudices normal and we justify them by calling them "preferences". So what is adding one more such preference to your list – especially one that could preserve your quality of life or prevent someone from catching what you have? If you stop looking at sero-sorting as discrimination and start accepting it as a preference along with your other preferences you’ll be neutralizing the negative connotation of the practice and putting a positive spin on it.

If you consider that HIV has been the motivating factor that has caused the majority of the sexually active world to stop engaging in natural sex by adopting condom use, wouldn’t it seem reasonable to implement a natural way to end the spread of HIV so that more people could return to the enjoyment of unprotected sex? As barebackers we understand and appreciate sex without condoms. We know what the safe-sex set is missing. And for many of us there’s no going back to sex with condoms. Many of us wish that all of our potential sex partners could get on board with us and stop living with the fear that compels them to clad their manhood in sheaths made from distilled petroleum products (our continued dependence on oil…?). But that day cannot come if we don’t do something a little different… something that can outfox the virus that has humanity so completely freaked out. Sero-sorting promises that potential moreso than the lowly condom. And, in a hurting economy it is good to know that sero-sorting costs you NOTHING!

Yes, the burden of sero-sorting lies mostly in the hands of those who are HIV+Positive because the practice relies on two things in order to be effective: knowing your status and being forthright and honest about it. Because POZ people carry the virus, they hold all of the cards that determine whether or not sero-sorting will work. You must be the first to act, and adopt the practice that eliminates HIV-Negative partners- as well as those who claim to be unsure of their status – from your sexual circles. When HIV+Positive men make themselves unavailable to HIV-Negative men, they make the job of sero-sorting much easier for their Neg counterparts. But HIV-Negative men also need to be on board with this as well, especially if they want to remain negative. Negative men need to do as much trimming from their sexual circles, eliminating POZ and unsure men, so that they can bring their risk percentages down accordingly.

I’ll tell you, it really doesn’t sit well with me when I see HIV-Negative men post ads claiming to be "POZ-friendly". I don’t know if they think that they are being politically correct (which is just a wimp’s way of saying "Please like me" - which translated means "I don’t want you to dislike me so I’ll put my own health at risk"), or if they are already POZ but they just don’t have the balls to come out and be honest about it. Either way, there’s some dishonesty associated with the term "POZ-friendly" and I just don’t like it.

At the risk of sounding heavy handed (I know, I know… too late) it is my opinion that anyone who resists sero-sorting, knowing that it can only truly benefit ourselves and the whole of mankind, is selfish and sociopathic. Only a sociopath would knowingly put another person’s health in jeopardy just to get his rocks off. Where’s the love in that? And where’s the self love that each of us should have when we go out courting the devil by seeking out partners who have the potential of bringing harm – however ‘unintentionally’ – to our selves when we’re negative? Yes, there’s a bad boy in most of us who likes flirting with danger. And I’m not going to shoot down someone who gets his kicks out of living on that razor’s edge when the only damage that could possibly be done is to himself alone, if that’s what he lives for. However HIV has a way of getting out. It’s not self-contained damage. If it were, there would be no ‘epidemic’. So we have to take extra measures to contain it if we want it to go away. The prevailing thought since the mid-1980’s has been that condoms are effective in doing that. But we know this is not entirely true. So what else have we in our arsenal? Sero-sorting. It’s easy. It’s free. It doesn’t hurt. You don’t have to make sure you have it with you or interrupt the ‘moment’ to run to the store to get it if you forgot. You don’t have to put it on or use special products with it. It doesn’t taste bad or smell funny, or have an expiration date. And it WORKS. All that’s required is a little shift in attitude. And attitude shifts aren’t all that impossible. You probably shifted your attitude in favor of using condoms at one point in your life, and if you are a confirmed barebacker you’ve shifted your attitude away from them. Even if you don’t bareback, this shift to sero-sorting is recommended as further insurance against a sexual mishap. So this shift in attitude and practice should be fairly easy if you’ll just give it a try.

I’ll do my part to help you make that shift. We’re working on an option in our FuckBuddy profile section that will allow you to select (or unselect at your discretion) a sero-sorting feature. When you search the members, this feature when selected will display only those profiles in which the HIV status matches yours. And your profile page will also display a special banner to let others know that you’re only interested in hooking up with people who match your HIV status. We should have that up and running soon, so be sure to look for it.

We’re all in this together, and together we can end the spread of HIV – with or without condoms! I not only practice sero-sorting, I identify myself as a sero-sorter. And I invite you to join me and be a sero-sorter too!



Bareback Jack

Visit Brandon's POZ4POZ website for more information and support for HIV+Positive people & sero-sorting: www.poz4poz.com

OR... Get in on his ongoing discussion about sero-sorting and add your opinions

AND... check out Jack's info on sero-sorting at BarebackHealth.net