Making Lemonade

A Perspective Extra, May, 2002

Well, I guess it's time I drag the old Responsibility lecture out of the closet again.

In case you are unaware, four months of planning this year's follow up video to last year's incredibly popular "The World's Hungriest Cumhole Contest" came to an abrupt halt on the day of the contest largely because of the actions of a few irresponsible men. I thought the message was rather clear from the beginning: if you are going to enter this contest as either a cumhole or a judge, please make sure you can clear your schedule for the dates of the contest weekend, and don't enter if you are not able to commit to these dates.

Apparently I was mistaken.

Take, for example, one of our original contestants who apparently didn't get his boyfriend's approval before entering the contest. And after he won the online vote, his boyfriend objected to his participation, causing him to withdraw.

You know, I can't imagine why it didn't occur to me to also suggest that hopeful contestants should get permission from their boyfriends/lovers/husbands before entering. See, to me that's using plain old fashioned common sense with responsibility. Not to mention respectful behavior.

Thankfully, the first runner up was quite happy to take the other guy's place.

Let's move on to the judges, shall we?

The dates were clearly outlined, and the request for absolute commitment was made at the point where potential judges could click to sign up. There was a reason for that. We didn't want the judges to flake out on us. I guess we needed something a little more effective, huh? Four original judges did notify us of conflicts beforehand. One judge ended up in the hospital the night before (but did call to let us know). And the remaining three judges simply did not show up, nor did any of them bother to send off a quick e-mail alerting us to their change of heart back when we could have done something about it. Two of these no-shows did respond to a last-minute "Where are you?" e-mail, while the third just blew us off entirely.

And the corker? One of the guys who did respond to that last minute e-mail had the cajones to say, "I can't make this one, maybe next time"... I'm still dumbstruck in amazement over that ballsy remark.

I'm sure each man felt he had some sort of good reason to pull a no-show, but frankly I don't give a flying fuck what any of those reasons were. There isn't any excuse that can be given at this time that would absolve someone from the responsibility of employing basic decency and either sticking to a commitment or sending a timely RSVP with regrets.

To me, flaky behavior is both selfish and irresponsible. By signing up, a commitment was made... a commitment that would ultimately affect 22 men directly, and cost thousands of dollars. By breaking that commitment so casually, all these people and their investments were left hanging in the wake.

Just so you know, here's a rundown of the people who were affected by the lack of responsibility shown by these few men (take notes in case you ever decide to pursue the notion of being a porn star):

• The Production Company:
• The Producer(s) (2)
• The Director (1)
• The Casting Director (1)
• The Camera Operators (3, two from out of town)
• The Still Photographer (1, from out of town)
• The Makeup Artist (1, from out of town)
• The Editor(s) (1)
• The Six other Cast Members (the contestants and judges who showed)

All of these people were let down in addition to myself. And, ideally, anyone who had looked forward to watching and/or buying the video of this contest is to be counted among the casualties as well.

The point here is simple. If you say you're going to do something, then fucking do it. Otherwise don't say anything.

Unfortunately, the very medium that brings us all together also allows for the weakest links in our society to type out whatever their fantasie du jour may be and send it along to just anybody without engaging any sense of responsibility or decency. I mean, 98 percent of the men online lie about something, be it their dick size, their age, their waistline, their not-significant-enough-to-mention significant other, what they are into, or even that they want to hook up. And with each lie, the acts of further lying become easier.

It's funny, though, how easy it is to be forthright. There's this word I heard of once, and I think I should share it with you:

NO.

It's a good word to know. And it comes in real handy in a lot of situations... like when someone asks if you ever use condoms, or if a guy who makes your skin crawl asks you to hook up. It works on those occasions when someone who only enjoys the same sexual role/position you only enjoy wants to play. And followed with a "Thank you", it can say a lot more than all the words of bullshit you can string together.

Still, as easy as it is to be honest, there is an abundance of men out there who feel threatened by honesty (their own), and they turn this uneasiness into a compulsion to fuck with people verbally instead of sexually. I'm not such a fool to believe that this "Men Are From Mars" problem we males have will evaporate anytime soon. However, I do think that a little beforehand thought and consideration to the larger picture is a choice habit to get into. The larger picture is everything your mouse connects you to and everything connected with whatever is on the other end.

For example, when you buy something (let's say a CD) at Amazon.com, it really isn't a transaction between just you and the damn thing you want to buy. There are hundreds of Amazon employees attached to that transaction. And there are all those people who were (and are) involved in the recording and manufacturing of that CD, and the shipping of it... you get the picture. The point is, if you broaden your view from just you and what's immediately in front of you on the computer to include the total picture, you're less likely to blindly forge ahead oblivious to the damage you will cause in your wake.

If broadening your view doesn't work, you need more help than I can give you. I don't specialize in sociopathology.

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Okay, so when the sign reads "Serious Replies Only" or words to that effect, and you yourself are not serious, here's a hint as to what you should do:


nothing.

Don't write. Don't call. Don't send smoke signals. Keep your fucking yap shut. There's enough garbage on the internet without you having to add to it. And there's no reason for it. Nobody benefits from unkept promises, whether they be for hookups or porn videos. And fewer benefit from last-minute or not-performed cancellations.

Rule #1 in Jack's book of internet etiquette: Don't make plans you aren't going to keep.

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When you are dealing with others over the internet, you should exercise respect for the people you don't know as well as those you do. And try to think about how many people your actions may end up affecting, and in what ways. Not only did the Cumhole Contest die along with my hopes and dreams and four months of planning in Palm Springs, but its effect rippled outward. In addition to the abovementioned list of people affected by the bad behavior of a few individuals, both HDK and I are out money that could have been more constructively spent, and I fear that our previously good relations have now been put under an unnecessary strain.

Thankfully, the footage taken in leiu of the contest was reportedly quite satisfactory to the HDK crew. I'm glad they were able to take the lemons handed them and squeeze a little lemonade out of the mess. Perhaps they will in time recoup some of their losses.

Will we make another attempt at holding a cumhole contest this year? No. (There's that word again)

And what about future contests? Don't bet on it. Especially if there aren't even twelve men among you who can make and keep commitments. This experience taught us all a lot, and not all of it good. What is most unfortunate, however, is how the negligent and irresponsible actions of a small number of men have managed to take the joy and anticipation out of what has been called one of the most unique concepts in gay porn... the Hungriest Cumhole Contest.

Too bad, huh?

Bareback Jack,
(who would now like a glass of something other than lemonade.)