Take some tips from Jack!

I've been hosting sex parties for over a decade, and I have learned a few things about what makes a party the kind of event your guests will want to attend again and again, and what could turn the best planned parties into flops. Hosting your own party is rather simple if you keep a few important things in mind.

Date, Time, Place,
and a Fabulous guest list...

You need to identify who you would like to have at your party, and you need to keep in mind what types of men your guests will want to fuck with. It's a given that most men would like to fuck only hot, well-built, porn-star types, and depending on where you live, that might be entirely possible. However, most places, the number of really hot fantasy guys is small compared to the number of attractive but average guys. If you invite every man who is interested, you will get every man who is interested. They just may not be interested in each other. And that can be a problem. Parties where every barebackin' man is welcome often need to be large so there are enough of each type to please everybody. If you don't have a large space available, you may wish to narrow your guest list down to certain physical types and ages.

Also keep in mind other events going on in your area. It would not be wise, for instance, to plan your party on the night of a Cher concert. Even events like IML, which seem like an ideal "breeding ground" for barebackers because of the sheer number of horny men in one locale, may not provide you with a huge guest list... there are always so many things to do on those weekends that many men tire out or forget about a party in a hotel room. And it's probably a given that you aren't the only one offering your room for a sleaze-orgy, either.

Think Horizontally

Figuring out how many people to invite is not always an easy task. Sometimes you have to do it by trial and error. A lot depends not only on how many square feet your place is / will be, but how much furniture you have. Sofas, sectionals and beds are great since they offer the most space for men to lay out on. But chairs can only hold a person or two and clutter up floor space that could better be used if empty. Try and figure how many people you can get in your home comfortably, and remember, many of them will want to be horizontal. If certain rooms are to be closed off, that too will limit the number of people you should invite.

Advertise In Advance

I recommend advertising two weeks to one month in advance. Especially in the summer and fall. These seasons give people lots of opportunities to plan activities, and you will want men to reserve the night for your party. Be as specific about the types of men you want and the basic rules of your party as you can. Be upfront if you don't want to allow smoking, drugs, kink, or mixed HIV status. Give an age range in your ad as well as physical types if those characteristics apply. If you are screening potential guests, it is wise to require physical stats and photos when they reply. Also be prepared to enforce your rules, or things may get out of hand during your party. If you don't have a lot of bath towels available, request that each guest bring one in case they wish to shower before leaving. Also it is a good idea to request anyone who bottoms to douche before coming to your party.

Internet vs. Word of Mouth: Go Internet. I have never had any luck inviting people I didn't know (and some that I did) from bars and sex clubs, even though I have handed out very tasteful looking and explicit invitations. People lose them or throw them away. And with barebacking, you could risk face-to-face flaming by handing someone an invitation. Even though 99.9999999% of gay men want to bareback, most still have a bad attitude about it. On the internet, through this site, chatrooms, newsgroups and lists, you are apt to reach your targeted guest list with a lot less hostility and a lot more success.

To Fee or Not To Fee?

The question often comes up about charging a cover for your party. I never have, simply because where I live, charging people to have sex in your home is potentially prostitution. So my costs have not been exorbitant, I have always mandated a BYOB policy. If you are renting a space for your fuckfest, you should decide if you can cover the expenses yourself, or go in on a hotel room with a buddy. If those options are not available, you should call your cover charge a "donation" so you do not encounter legal problems down the line. How much to request should be determined by what you are offering. If the party is in your home and you are providing a full bar and snacks, lube, and other sundries, $10.00 per person is reasonable. If you are renting a space (a sex club, a warehouse, or a hotel suite) the cost should be determined by the cost of the space divided by the lowest number of guests you are seeking. Most men will easily pay $10.00 for a sure fuck. $20.00 is harder for men to cough up unless you are offering something unique in exchange.

Cash For Your Party Trash

You CAN make a little extra cash by saving and recycling all the leftover cans and bottles following your party. Crush the cans, flatten the plastic bottles and collect up all the glass containers to take to your local recycling center. If you host a lot of parties, you can stash the recyclables until you get a big collection going. It saves on trips and makes the effort pay off a bit better. You may not get rich by recycling trash from your party, but you'll be doing something good for the environment and earning some extra pocket change for your efforts.

Setting Up

Rule # 1: Hide anything of value. If you are hosting the party in your home, your personal effects should be squirreled away so as not to be damaged or stolen. This includes your wallet.

• Make sure your house is clean, and your bathroom, too.
• Put containers of lube in any areas where people will be allowed to fuck. Have a variety of lubes available if possible. I always offer Elbow Grease, Crisco, Vaseline, and Wet as those cover most every taste in lube. Of course, your guests can bring their own if they like.
• Move or remove furniture that will not be conducive to fucking: ie glass-top coffee tables & chairs (though it is good to have some chairs available for seating).
• Keep floor spaces clear and open in case the beds and sofas get full.
• Cover fabric furniture with sheets or fabric dropcloths. For added protection, you can put a cheap plastic dropcloth like those you find at a paint store under bedsheets in case poppers spill or someone has an "oopsie".
• Buy big plastic cups and ice for your guests even if you're having a BYOB. Most people won't think to bring cups with their booze.
• Make room in your refrigerator for beer and soda. I have also taken large trash cans and filled them with ice and water for people to dump their beer cans into. It works great... except with bottles. They sink, and getting them out can cause your guests to freeze their arms off trying. A sink full of ice or a cooler chest also work great.
• Paper Towels, Paper Towels, Paper Towels... you can NEVER have enough of those.
• Make sure you have a few rolls of toilet paper on hand too. You would be surprised at how much toilet paper gets used at these parties...
• Have at least one dispenser of anti-bacterial soap available.
• Buy a box of light-colored plastic garbage bags for guests to put their clothes in. Having a marker handy is a good idea so you can mark the bag with their name, or a number that corresponds with a number you put on their hand.

Work it With Ambiance

Now you're ready to set the mood. What music will you play? Music is very important for setting the tone. A Judy Garland CD is not your best choice. Think "bath house". Think "fuck music". If you still come up with Judy Garland (or Celine Dion), we have a problem. I recommend deep house CD's, dance mix CD's, and techno / trance CD's. Or you can schmooze your favorite club DJ. That, a blow job and $25.00 might get you a mixed tape or two. And he'll be happy if you tell people which club he spins at.

Lighting: Absolutely the most important mood-setter. Too bright and some people feel self-conscious. Too dim and there will be a lot of bumped shins and other accidents. Keeping the lighting low but bright enough to see clearly is your best bet.

Lots of men like candles. They are cheap, and cast a low level of light. They also can be hard on the eyes, they can spill, or worse yet, start a fire. If you use candles, get some of those Novena candles in tall glass jars from the grocery store. Some have the Virgin of Guadalupe wrapped around them. That's always a kick. Others come in colored glass jars. They are safer to use, they burn forever, and they're CHEAP! If it's winter and you have a fireplace, that's a great ambient light source.

I prefer lighting my parties with red lightbulbs. It casts a sexual mood over the party, and you can use them over and over again. I have even put a red light in the refrigerator on occasion... Black light is cool, but it tends to highlight dead skin on the body (dandruff especially) and it hurts the eyes if used in too great a quantity. A little leather oil (if available in your area) dabbed on a few lightbulbs before the party will put the scent of leather into the air. Otherwise, a stick or two of incense helps round out your ambience. Sandalwood, Musk, Vanilla or Nag Champa are good flavors. Perfume imposters and strawberry are... well... not in my house, anyway.

Getting Them Into It

I have found the best way to get the action going without a hitch is to require guests to show up between certain times. Give them a window of a half hour or an hour to arrive. Otherwise, the early birds will wonder when the party is going to get going, and the slowpokes will wait until last call at their favorite club before arriving. Once there, I have always insisted that the clothes come off as soon as they walk in the door. Shedding clothes helps shed inhibitions. You're hosting a sex party, not a drive-by-accident. Men in clothes who gawk at all the naked men make the naked men feel uncomfortable. Face it... if they can't take off their clothes, they aren't going to fuck.

Sometimes, you need an icebreaker to get things going. That's when a naked cocktail party comes in handy. Get them out of their clothes and put a cocktail in their hands. Let them socialize for an hour, and then start the fucking.

Porno Videos??? I vote "no" for the sole reason that every party I have attended where videos were shown ended up with a bunch of men sitting in front of the TV whacking off. If you DO think videos will help get people in the mood, I would recommend playing a video at the beginning of the party (perhaps during the cocktail hour) and then turning the TV off when it ends. Then the guys will be all horned up and will have to turn to each other for release.

Having a fuckbuddy or two at your party who you know will start the action going is a good idea too.

Sex, Guys, and Videotape

Some guys like the idea of having a video camera going during the party. Others, for personal and professional reasons, will not feel comfortable with the possibility their activities may be caught on tape. If you want to videotape, you should find out first if your guests are open to the idea or not. If it's a draw, then you might consider setting a room aside as the "video room". Set the camera up on a tripod, or have a volunteer do the filming in that room only. Sling rooms are excellent candidates for your video parlor, as is your bedroom. The room will need to be reasonably well-lit, which is another reason to have it in a separate area.

Making copies should be done discreetly, and unless previously agreed to by all the men in your video, should not be distributed to anyone who wasn't at the party (or god forbid, shown at your neighborhood cruise bar on a saturday night).

Polaroids and digital cameras are fun to take pix with, but again, be sure all the people in your photos are comfortable with the idea. You may have to lop a few heads out of the frame in order to appease certain guests.

Drugs

Certainly, a lot of men like to be in an altered state when fucking. Whether or not you choose to allow drugs in your party is 100% your call. The reasons I have forbidden any drug use in my parties are simple. First, if by some chance you should get a knock on the door from the men in blue, your ass is in deep shit if you have drugs going around your house, even if you aren't using them. Second, certain users seem to find the need to go into seclusion or spirit away another buddy or two when doing them. You don't need to have your bathroom(s) tied up indefinitely while a couple of partiers are busy chatting and snorting and chatting and snorting and chatting... Third, the selective ritual of who will share with whom and who won't puts a division in between your guests. And fourth, things can get quickly out of your control. If you are willing to allow drugs in your party, you might want to set aside an area (like the kitchen or patio) where all that activity can take place.

Jack's recommendation: instruct all chem-friendly guests to do their chems just before arriving and to leave them outside. That way they are not jeapordizing you or your guests.

Other Rules Worth Mentioning

Here are a few other rules worth mentioning that help make a party a success:

• No fucking behind closed doors; No pairing off in private. Your guests by and large are coming to your house to participate in group sex. So all sex should be in the open. If guys want to pair off in private, they should go to a bath house.
• No AIDS hysteria, especially in a mixed-status party.
• Be honest when asked your HIV status.
• No rudeness or attitude toward other guests.
• No posing. No standing and modeling. And no watching without participating.
• Communication is each and every guest's personal responsibility.
• No hogging a guest. You may find you and another guest have great fuck-chemistry, but bear in mind other guests may want a piece of the guy you're fucking, too.
• If 2 lovers attend, they must share their boyfriend(s).
• All limits must be respected. (I had a guest at a party in LA who would piss in the mouth of anyone who would suck his dick, whether they liked that or not. Needless to say, he was asked to leave, and never invited back).

When Something Goes Wrong

Occasionally, you may have the bad party guest... the one who manages to disrupt the party or act in a manner that offends your other guests. He could be the jackass that brings a fistfull of condoms with him, or the one who gets falling-down drunk, or brings his personal drama to your party. What do you do? First, do not lose your cool. No matter how obnoxious the bad guest is, your best defense is to try to remain calm and get him out of the party. Take him aside, and find out what the problem is. If you can't find a way to resolve the problem within five minutes, give him his clothes and ask him politely to leave. If that doesn't work, you can tell him in your most patient voice that his ass is going to end up out on the street without his clothes if he doesn't get dressed and leave the party immediately. Make no other threats. Give him to the count of ten and then toss his bag of clothes out the door. You gave him warning. The idea here is to get him out of the party in as non-hostile a manner as possible.

If he's falling-down-drunk, it is best to not send him out where he could hurt himself and others. If possible, arrange for him to crash somewhere. Have a friend drive him home, or call a taxi. Just make sure he's dressed and has his keys before he goes out to meet the cab.

If the problem is between two guests who have decided your party is the place for them to start a shouting match or fist fight, again, take them aside and let them know they will either have to get along peacefully or they will both have to leave. Do not pick sides. Just get them to quiet down or get them out of your hair. You have enough to do at your party without having to play Kindergarten Teacher.

Putting It In Writing

The best way to inform your potential guests as to what you'll allow and what you won't is to put that information in your invitation. When someone responds to your ad via e-mail, send them an invitation with the party do's and don'ts as well as the specific date, time, and place information. It will insure you against a whole bunch of problems on the night of your party. It is a good idea to let them know that you expect them to commit to your party. Give a time frame for regrets so that you know by the day of the party how many to expect.

For your benefit, I have included a link to the invitation I've most recently used so you may refer to that as a template of sorts. It's VERY thorough. You may not feel the need to be as thorough in yours, however I will remind you that this invitation has been developed after ten years of throwing parties. And of course, when you think you've finally got it all covered, someone will do something you never could have imagined anyone capable of doing, and yet they do it. In your house, in the middle of your party. So you handle it, and then you add that to your invitation before the next time.

If you'd like to see my bareback party invitation,
CLICK HERE.

Most Of All, Have Fun

I hope these tips help you in planning a successful fuck party. Of course, you will have to tailor certain things to your guests. But the key to success is to get the party going, and then have a hot time yourself. Most parties run themselves, and about all you need do after it gets underway is change the music every now and again, and just see that your guests are enjoying themselves. I wish you success in your every party!

~BBJ