This is a ruler. Has your penis ever been near one of these things before?
It's HOW BIG??? Perhaps you should check your figures again, dude.
On a ruler, you generally start measuring at the lowest number.

We all have seen those ads:

"Hot, hung GWM stud, 9x6" tool seeks..."

and yet, when the pants come off, we are left wondering where that "hot hung stud" might have left 2 of his 9 inches. It is not uncommon for a man to "guesstimate" the size of his penis now and again. At other times, some men will measure and think, "That CAN'T be accurate! It seems much bigger than that!" and they re-measure from a starting point that will give them the length they desire ~ a size that sounds more "manly" to them. The most shameless among us will wantonly embellish their penis size with no regard to honesty. Hey... if they can fool you into believing 6 is 8, all the better.

Unfortunately, padding your penis-size only serves to undermine the true impact of the real figures. For example, when one man calls his 6-inch cock an 8-incher, he might fool his partner into believing that his average size dick is actually the stuff of which horsecocks are made. The next guy, an honest man with a true and appreciable 7", may in turn find himself turned down by the size queen who has been duped into believing 6 inches is supposed to be 8.

Moral bankruptcy and the fall of civilization are surely around the corner... Remember, you can put a Cadillac emblem on a Yugo but that won't make the car a Cadillac. Saying your dick is bigger doesn't make it so.

Oh, and let no man tell you he doesn't know the size of his penis... every man has measured his at least once in his life, even if inaccurately. If he hasn't, he's probably ultra-straight or lying.

You wouldn't build a house based on whether or not your lumber "looked" like it was eight feet long or so, so why use such improper techniques when assigning dimensions to your most personal and coveted attribute? In order to help eliminate the confusion and hurt feelings caused by this misrepresentation, we present to you a do-it-yourself guide for measuring your penis correctly.


A flexible measuring tape is best One Subject Penis Less than a half hour, depending on how well your dick cooperates Write everything down. It's easy to forget
1) A Ruler or a Tape Measure, American Standard
2) Your Penis (or the penis of another)
3) Time
4) Paper & Pencil


Any long-lasting JO lube will do Watch a video that gets you turned on Make sure your cockring is snug but not tight, or you may be stuck with it on for a while Don't you wish there really WAS a Bareback magazine in print? Never underestimate the benefits of having an assistant

  • Lubricant (sexual ~ your choice)

  • An X-Rated Video & playback equipment

  • A snug-fitting Cockring

  • A Dirty Magazine or sexually stimulating photos

  • An Assistant (not necessary, but helpful)


First, take your penis and begin stroking it gently until it becomes fully hard. You may wish to use any of the optional materials available to you to help you get to this stage.

Once you have achieved full hardness, take the ruler in one hand, and place the end marked "0" (or the end with the lowest number) against the point where the top of your penis makes a conjunction with your torso. (Point "A", Fig. A & B) Do not press the ruler into your torso. Simply lay it gently along the top of your penis.
Using your pencil, carefully mark on the ruler where the tip of your penis (that's the part that goes in first) lines up with the fractional INCH markings on the ruler. (Point "B", Figs. A & B). Count to the nearest 1/4", and then write this measurement down on the piece of paper.
Point A to Point B... It's so easy you can't possibly make a mistake
Dangerous curves are best measured with something flexible
If your penis curves in any direction, it would be advisable to use a tape measure instead of a ruler so it may easily follow the curve of your penis and give you a more accurate measure.
(Fig. B)


Honey, God only gives a man so much!
The following photos are examples of incorrect measurement of the penis, and should not be used to determine penis length.

How much air do you fuck with?Figure 1: Outer Limits Method
Notice how the ending point (B) bears no relationship to the actual "usable" portion of the penis? Also notice the start point (A) is not on the penis at all.
This is where many inaccurate penis measurements originate.
Remember, only measure the part of your penis that others can appreciate & enjoy ~ inside.

If you're using your butthole as a measuring point, maybe you're really a bottom after all Figure 2: Outer Limits Method
In this view from behind, notice how the starting and ending points of the measure again give a false impression of the usable portion of the penis itself.

The penis is never supposed to be measured to the geographic center of the ass pucker.

Always measure in one general direction Figure 3: Surface Area Measure

This round and about method may add an impression of length to your measurement, however it, too, is incorrect. It is also more difficult and cumbersome to achieve.

Balls are purely ornamental... from a measuring point of view Figure 4: Balls Included Method

Measuring from the tip to the balls is a very popular method of penis measurement. Notice how much extra length is achieved by measuring to point B instead of point True B. Unfortunately, this method is also incorrect, as the balls account for no usable length of the penis itself. This type of measurement should also be avoided.

Uncut meat doesn't cut it for faking extra inches Figure 5A: Adding Foreskin Length

Some penises have extra adornments that look nice but are really not to be included in the measurement. Foreskin is one such adornment. Foreskin does not actually add to the reportable length of the erect penis (even when stretched) as it often slides back off the head and down the shaft anyway.
Go ahead... measure your foreskin... just don't add that figure to your penis length.

Jewelry and other items DO NOT add to your true penis length Figure 5b: Piercings / Erotic Jewelry

Hot as they are, erotic piercings are non-natural adornments. And while they add to the overall visual dynamics of the pierced penis, again they should not be included in the measure.


The only stiff tool in this exercise
should be your dick

Tools you will need:

A Subject Penis A flexible measuring tape is best If you can measure 7 inches of string correctly, measuring your dick will be a snap Write everything down. It's easy to forget Don't run with these or use them too close to your dick. Remember what happened the last time someone came at your penis with a sharp object?
  • Your Penis (or the penis of another)

  • Measuring Tape (tailor's) or

  • Piece of string at least 7" long

  • Pencil or tailor's chalk

  • Piece of writing paper

  • Scissors

Optional Materials:

Same as above.


Again, take your penis and begin stroking it gently until it becomes fully hard. You may wish to use any of the optional materials available to you to help you get to this stage as before. Once full hardness is achieved, take the measuring tape and wrap it around your penis. Start with the end marked "0" (or the end with the Lowest number), and holding that end to your penis somewhere in the middle of the shaft, wrap the tape around until it meets again. At this very point (see arrows) you note the measurement and write it down as before.
How to measure the circumference of your penis If you are using a string, repeat the above process, instead wrapping the string around and marking it with either the pencil or the tailor's chalk where it crosses itself. Then remove the string and measure the distance between the pencil marks.

If you have what is often called a "mushroom head" type penis, you can repeat the same procedure to accurately measure the circumference of your mushroom head. Some men find this statistic exciting, but it's most impressive when used in conjunction with the measurement of the shaft for comparison's sake.


The following photos are examples of incorrect measurement of the circumference of the penis, and should not be used to determine penis girth.

Do you know what color your Peepee Aura is today? FIGURE 6: Psychic Body Measurement.

(Also called the "Orbital Path" Measurement)
When measuring around your penis, the idea is to measure the shaft of the penis itself, not the aura of the shaft of the penis. The aura has no physical properties and is therefore invalid in this assessment.

This California Wrap is full of baloney FIGURE 7: The California Wrap

The Classic California Wrap, usually used by those not wishing to cut their pieces of recycled string into smaller bits, is again inaccurate. Though it does give an impressive register of penis girth, it is another type of false reading and should never be employed.

E8doughnts shows us his proper measuring technique AND a true 8" penis.
Jbarnes uses a tailor's tape to measure around his beercan thick six inch shaft.

Now that you have the basics of penis measuring "under your belt", try it yourself and discover your true penis size. Don't worry if your measurements don't give you a dimension you think sounds all that studly... let your partners be pleasantly surprised when they find out that it seems a lot bigger than they imagined it would be!

Real Men Don't Need To Lie About Their Dick Size

I now know my A.P.S.
(Accurate Penis Size)
and I can go

with my head held high

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