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 Subj: a closed mind can be a sad
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I thought you might be interested in reading some of the feedback I've received from the material I have presented on the dangers of crystal use:
Hi Jack:
Thanks J., my heart goes out to you more than you can imagine. 
Jack your article on crystal is so true i lived in S.F for 8 years and got very involved in meth .
so involved that i started to deal it because i couldnt hold my job and god forbid i couldnt get
high without cash . but thank god i moved back to poughkeepsie N.Y to get my head together. I
truely believe that if i didnt get away from S.F i would not be alive today. now that im off of
that terrible poison my life is so much better im working for the NYS prison sysyem and see where
i could of ended up!
Thanks Bttbtm for your story. Breaking from the crystal habit sometimes means breaking
from your entire way of life and finding a place (usually family) where you can become completely isolated from the
drug. I know of several other people who have done as you have. It may be humiliating at times, especially
when family is involved. It's extremely difficult to admit to one's family that he is a drug addict ~
on top of being a homosexual. However I think most families are willing to put their differences aside if it
means saving the life of one of their children. It's a tough road with family, and sometimes even tougher
road without them. I don't know if your return to Poughkeepsie was a return to family or not, but you've
straightened your life out and chosen an occupation that will always remind you of why you aren't doing
crystal any longer. And that is undoubtedly the most important achievement in your life so far!
Dear Jack,
Dear Jack,
My story about crystal can be found HERE 
NEW: Facts about Fagdom's Latest Fave Brainfuck |
Reply: Sometimes a closed mind is the best way
to deal with an unhealthy situation.
Dear Alan,
First let me say that I am pleased you
like the site.
Now, about the tweak thing and my position...
For starters, I am an Aquarian, which means
I have a natural disposition towards being
opinionated. However, I base my opinions
more on observation than on knee-jerk reaction.
One of the reasons I left California (LA
specifically) was because of the prevalence
of "partiers". From the day I arrived in LA
to the day I left, my sexual experiences
were riddled with encounters with men who
were tweaking.
At first it seemed interesting.
My fuckbuddies were able to perform near-
miraculous feats (like taking 3 hands, sans
thumbs, up their ass), and from a surface
level perspective, it was entertaining.
But the novelty was quick to wear off.
What I found to be consistent among
tweakers was lack of reliability, and
gritty behavior... two things I don't
appreciate. In the three years I made
LA my home, I saw in tweakers what I
could only term as "frightening
hedonism" and neurotic paranoia.
I came
to know people who had, while tweaking,
tried to murder their sex partners. I
used to fuck a man who eventually got
so paranoid he taped Reynolds Wrap over
his windows because he was convinced his
neighbors were using infrared video
equipment to tape his sexual romps. I
missed ticketed events because my
"dates" couldn't focus on dressing long
enough to get out the door in time, and
one of my exes would delay our sex for up
to two hours while he attempted to tie
himself into a rope harness or get into
the right "outfit" (which, after all that
effort he was out of less than 15 min. later).
Several other traits that tweakers
routinely demonstrated to me were:
- Inability to maintain lasting relationships
- Days of hiding out after crashing
- Constant lying
- Manipulation
- Unwarranted rudeness
- Severe mood swings
- Defensiveness
- Unabashed criticism of others
- Refusal to admit responsibility
- Disregard for others & time
- Complete denial
You say you are a "weekender" and have
been able to hold down your job while
receiving accolades. Bravo...if that's
true. Pardon me if I sound like a complete
asshole, but I have trouble buying that.
Of course, as I stated, it has been my
experience to be shown otherwise.
Crystal has a way of creeping up on you.
Most everyone I knew who was addicted
started out as a "weekender", until the
weekend became most of the week. With the
exception of a very few, all the tweakers
I encountered were (and are) HIV positive.
Sadly, they were not all poz before they
began using crystal... and some, after going
through the excruciating experience of
kicking the habit, came out of their haze
to realize that it was while engaging in
their meth-driven sexual binges that they
became poz... something that they now wish
they had never done. (read accompanying letters)
Frankly, as much as I like pigsex, there
is nothing more unattractive than a bleary
boy who is chemically horny and wants me
to fuck him simply because I have a dick,
even after a night of non-stop partying &
tricking out at private homes and sex clubs.
There's also something disconcerting about
a man who has just given you his ass to fuck
borrowing your phone to call the next trick
on his list. It's even more annoying when
he makes the call BEFORE you get him out
of his clothes.
I have also found that it is the very people
who have a problem with crystal who are the
quickest to defend it. "I only use it once
in a while", "I don't have a problem."
"I'm not addicted so I can quit anytime I want to"
and "I'm not like the others" are mantras
I have heard over and over again from men who
seem to feel they'd rather not have sex
unless they're speeding their tits off.
The worse that something is which we enjoy,
the quicker and louder we tend to defend it.
...or deny it.
To say you have self-respect and take offense
to my contrary opinion while unhesitatingly
snorting a drug into your body which is made
up of caustic chemicals belies that statement.
There is no lasting good that can come of
using crystal meth, and the harm it can do
to your system (especially if you are poz)
is undeniable. It is hard for me to accept
a duality of thought that on one hand says
"I am a self-respecting individual" while on
the other hand you are intentionally
poisoning yourself.
Also, every recovering tweaker I have met
has had emotional and mental damage. This may
be part of what led them to addiction in
some cases, however they have trouble in
remembering events that occurred during their
tweaking phase and serious issues with trust
and relationships, both platonic and romantic,
long after they put down the straw.
It has also been my observation that people
who are control freaks or identify them-
selves as such, are adept at trying to
control those around them while demonstrating
an inability to control themselves. Case in
point: my ex, who despite his prowess at
manipulating others had no self control
whatsoever when it came to sex and meth.
In all fairness, I'll grant you that everything
is relative. I drink. Not to excess (most nights),
but some tea-totallers would look at 2 beers a
night as being a sin and hold me in contempt as
an alcoholic. To the alcoholic, a 6-pack a night
is child's play and my 2 beers is tea-totalling.
And we all know what ex-smokers can be like. To
some degree most of us have a preferred sin,
and a strong opinion about another sin we
cannot tolerate.
My reason for posting that
statement on my profile page was to concretely
dissuade any meth users from wanting to contact
me for sex. Some people don't like being intimate
with smokers or drinkers. I don't like being
intimate (or even sleazy) with tweakers.
As far as I am concerned, there is nothing
that crystal can do for you sexually that a
good muscle relaxant can't. And I fail to see
the thrill in staying awake for days at a time,
endlessly gnashing the enamel off your teeth,
and having difficulty getting an erection or
getting off in the heat of what should be a
moment of passion. But then that's me...
boring old fuddy-duddy Bareback Jack.
In case I haven't completely offended you
and you'd be interested in reading more, I
wrote an article in 1996 which I originally
submitted to the Advocate on the subject.
Even though the Advocate
rejected the piece, other readers
have heaped praised upon it for its content.
It is a piece I am still quite proud of,
and you can now access it online at:
www.barebackjack.com/crystal.html
I hope you understand that mine is not a
personal attack against you as much as it is
against the drug and those who use it. And
as far as I am concerned, any bottom who
feels he needs to use tweak to take a good
fucking simply needs more practice...
...without the drug as a crutch.
These are indeed my opinions on the subject,
and they speak of me personally, and not in
the capacity of "webmaster". And I am sure
we can agree to disagree on this subject
because my mind IS closed. When one gets
burned, he is wisest to stay away from
the stove.
~Bareback Jack. The wordy bitch.
Hi.
Here's just some (cathartic?) feedback to you recent column...
I am there. Using. "Controlling" it. So far. I am not deceiving myself by saying that I am not/cannot
be(come) addicted. I enjoy it. I have done the recovery route (alcohol, anyway), so I know when I am
lying to myself and others. I know that there are consequences. I say that Tina hasn't had an effect
on personal relationships with family and friends (just as I did with alcohol) and I know that is untrue.
I see my bank accounts and know that things aren't the same as a few short months ago. I wake up at
different times each day, sleep through entire days, am late to work. A memo came out at my job referring
to drug use; with such a small staff, I know it was specifically directed at me.
Next step: recovery again. I thank God for getting me in trouble w/alcohol and showing me the 12-step
route. At least I know there is a way out. I hope I can do the right thing. Soon..
Whew.
Thanks for your thought-provoking article.
JR
Hey Jack -
I just needed to let you know that I just read your article on crystal meth, and I found it
very moving and has helped me. your article helped me because, I am an Alcoholic and a drug
addict and have been clean and sober for two years, it has been very hard for me lately. I
am currently in therapy, and I got this therapist because I wanted to do some controlled
drinking and using because AA just was not doing it for me anymore and, she has yet given
me permission for me to go out and to help me monitor ny using; very recently there has
been some messed up thinking in my head.
I have been to other bareback websites, and some of the others have the "PNP", (party and
play) question and up until just recently I have been steering away from those people that
answer yes to that question. However, I saw an ad of a really hot looking guy with a big
cock who did "PNP" and I found myself asking him what he would like to party on and if he
could accomadate me while we were together. Alcohol, coccaine, and crystal absolutely
brought my life to the brink of destruction, and took away my HIV negative status. Since
becoming "sober", I go to college, have a 3.5 GPA, never bounc a check, and always take
my meds without missing a dose. My mind starting thinking just this once, I can party
and handle it, and it will be hot. Well your article moved me to the point where I have
rethought that position and decided to stick with my sobriety. I pray when I am low and
feel the need to "party", I will try and go to a meeting but, if I am in a bad space I
will hopefully get to your article again and pray that it has the same effect on me then,
as it did now.
thank you for your writing
Martin
