Hi Jack,

I recently came across your website and thoroughly enjoyed reading it. With that said, I do have a question. I am a bottom that loves to get fucked. I do try to play safe and use condoms. On ocassion, I do enjoy getting fucked bareback. I am fully aware of how hiv is transmitted and what the consequences are for me as a bottom.

Recently, I had two tops (separate episodes) and for whatever careless reason, I let my guard down and let them fuck me raw. Although neither top came in my ass, they were both anonymous tops that I did not know. Maybe I'm being very paranoid but I am scared to death that I may have exposed myself to this virus. Both informed me that they were negative total tops but than again, they did also admit to me that they have had raw sex in the past with other willing bottoms. So, my question is, have I exposed myself to catching HIV from these tops? I don't bleed as I always check myself and again, they did not cum in my ass. I checked for precum from both tops but could not see any.

Forgive me for sounding so paranoid. I recently tested and was negative. Of course, this was before the two tops fucked me. It's been two days now since I was fucked. I'm not feeling very sexual and my gland is starting to hurt. I know swollen glands are a symptom for HIV exposure or perhaps another type of STD.

I really hate this. I love sex and I love being a bottom and I love getting fucked. Why does all this have to be so complicated? I also have a regular fuck buddy who I love being with. He's a great top that always fucks me good and raw. However, we both agreed that we would only bareback with one another. I have now broken our rule. He wants to fuck me this week. A part of me wants to still get fucked and another part of me just wants to tell him what has happend this past week.

Jack, any insight you could offer me would be most appreciated.

Signed,

A Paranoid Bottom

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Dear APB,

Sigh. There's no other way around this. I have no choice but to be blunt.
Straightforward.
Hit-you-between-the-eyes Direct.

You ARE being paranoid.

Now while a little paranoia is a good thing, excessive paranoia is considered out of control, or possibly that you're high on pot. Or both. But I'm not here to judge.

Okay. You let 2 unknown guys fuck you bare. Neither came in you. That's pretty low risk in and of itself. You'd actually be more likely to have gotten crabs or syphilis if you got anything.

You say that 2 days following your most recent sexcapade your 'gland hurts'. Which gland? Usually when we complain of swollen glands (and it's not a sexual reference), we mean our Lymph Nodes are enlarged. Your body has a number of lymph nodes located in various strategic regions. When they swell, it is an indication of an increase in your body's production of white blood cells which the body makes to fight off infections.

According to the Medline Plus website, enlarged lymph nodes are most often caused by "infection, inflammatory conditions, an abcess, or cancer". Let's pray it's not cancer, ok?

In order for your lymph nodes to enlarge as a result of HIV infection, it is my understanding that the HIV has to manifest itself enough in the bloodstream to be detectable by the lymphatic system. In normal infections, this often takes several weeks to several months. You complain of swollen glands 2 days after these encounters ~ which, by the way, you did not lay out on a timeline, so I have no idea if these two occurrences were separated by some time or if they happened close together. That is kind of important in trying to determine a cause for your swollen gland(s). So, were you being a total slut one weekend?

Anyway, my point is that you would have had to ingested a phenomenal amount of HIV-tainted fluid in order to seroconvert in 2 days. Barring any unnatural weakness in your immune system, the likelihood of you getting HIV in the manner you described is very very small.

But not impossible.

Are there any other little maladies you've experienced lately? A toothache, for instance? A cut? Mosquito bite? Drug use? Any of these things could potentially trigger an enlargement of the lymph nodes. While these are among the possibilities, there is also the possibility that you're over-reacting a bit out of fear and regret... or as you call it, paranoia. Ask yourself if your nodes are actually swollen or if you are just more acutely aware of them since the start of your panic. I would suggest you read the Medline Plus webpage as it gives a lot of good information that can be helpful in self-diagnosis. Ultimately you should consider seeing a doctor if you really think something's wrong.

There are a couple of other issues here to contend with. They both deal with HIV transmission. The first is the situation of the two tops who each claimed they are negative. Believe them or don't... either way it's a crapshoot. I like to think that the majority of men out there are honest about their HIV status and don't intentionally put the health of their sex partners at risk. Still, I know that there are men who aren't so well-behaved and who consequently and recklessly pass along the virus. That's why it's a crapshoot. If you don't know the guy or guys, then you can't know for certain whether they are being honest with you or not.

Nonetheless, it's done. And you're kicking yourself over it. That might just be the healthiest response you can have to crossing your own boundaries.

Now, just because someone has unprotected sex with another person, that's no indication that the man is forever polluted. I don't put much stock in the saying that you are the sum of every person you have sex with. That puts us at the same level as canines. It's stupid logic and I don't buy it.

HIV is not altogether easy to acquire if you're a top who takes care of himself. I've been fucking HIV+Positive men for years and still keep pulling negative test results (knock on wood). A couple of total tops I know have become HIV infected over time, but the number is small. Only one thinks it was a direct result of fucking a POZ boy who bled during the fuck. That's his theory, anyway, and it could have happened that way if my top friend had nicked his dick shaving or had any other kind of cut, tear, or abrasion on his penis at the time of that bloody, bloody fuck.

I think it unlikely (though not impossible) that either of your 2 tricks passed an HIV infection onto you. If you don't have any diseases from those encounters (or any others), you don't have to worry about passing things onto the lucky stiff who gets to dick you on a regular basis. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell him. And that's the other issue.

Anybody you fuck deserves honesty. The ones who keep cumming back for more deserve your integrity as well as honesty. You need to tell him what you did, and why. And you also need to let him know how it has made you feel. If he knows that it's torn you apart he may react with more compassion. Again, even if you were POZ, it would be hard for him to get HIV just by screwing you. However, if he is uncut his chances of contracting HIV from fucking a POZ hole are somewhat greater, according to the New England Journal of Medicine.

Now that you've read through this site, I should hope you've come away with the idea that I promote openness and honesty in our sexual relations. Barebackers are no less required than anyone else to contain the HIV virus. We have the responsibility to communicate honestly with others before, during, and after our sexual romps. That's my soap box and I'm sticking to it.

You know what I think? I think you are probably just fine, if not a bit overly paranoid. Again, I think a certain amount of paranoia is a healthy thing. Just don't let it get the best of you. You should live an exciting and fulfilling sexual life. HIV has definitely complicated life ~ especially for men who like to be on the bottom. But following "safer unsafe sex" techniques like those I have outlined in my Health Department can help you achieve the kind of sex you want while lessening your risks.

I hope things turn out OK for you and your fuckbuddy. But if they don't, and if your email name is an accurate representation of you, then you can always just come over to ol' Uncle Jack for breeding. My dick and I both like cute latin bottom boys best of all!

Take care and keep getting tested!

~Bareback Jack.

(For more information on 'Safer Unsafe Sex', visit the Health Page on this site)