Dear Jack,
I know this may not be a question that you can or want to
answer, but I thought I would ask you since you seem to be a to
the point and upfront kinda guy and have been around awile.
I recently hooked up with a very HOT and wonderful man here in San
Diego, I found his add on this site the very first time I cruised
the adds, we hooked up almost imediatly after I responded to his
add, he's a total sexpig and we hit it off right away. We have
hooked up regularly for about 6 weeks now and not only is he the
hotest fuck Ive ever had but he treats me with respect and dare
I say it "LOVE"
I have tried to keep a clear head about this as
I am not prone to emotional involvements and was not "looking for"
a relationship just a quick raw fuck, he calls me when ever he is
up for a hot time and I do the same. We have spent a great deal of
time together fucking, talking,kissing,cuddling and just hanging out,
I have slept over several times and every time not only has the sex
gotten better but my admaraition and respect for him has grown and
has rattled something deep in my gut
I have never considerd a
relationship with someone that I have hooked up with for sex the
sex is most offten soso or things don't workout for one reason or
another but this guy is differnt it is as if he is my perfect sexual
match and I am always ready for his call and he seems to feel the
same way, at least about the sex.
I know that he has a BOY up in LA
and has used the word "LOVE" when talking about him and that I would
like him too, but we have never met. he tells me that they have a
very open aggreement and he can have as maney relationships as he
wants, which is very cool with me. The real concern I have is that
I am starting to develop feelings for him ( something I NEVER do)
and I am torn between toughing it out and enjoying just the sex and
nothing else and telling him how I feel, which is that I would also
like to be His boy. Im just not sure he would be open to that kind
of relationship and I would hate to lose him altogether. I just don't
know what to do!
In my 38 years I have never met a man like him and
have never felt this way about anyone. all I have ever wanted from
any man in the past is sex and having these feelings is unsettleing.
Can you give me your insite? Should I tell him how I feel and just
back off and risk loseing a real soulmate? or should I tell him how
I feel face to face and possibly lose him because of his other
relationship? please help if you can.
Sexpig caught off guard.
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Dear Sexpig,
It looks like that old devil called Love has crept into your sling.
Love is a slippery eel at times, never being around when you desire it
most, and yet always knocking at your door when it's the last thing on
your mind.
When I met the man of my dreams, and another lover before him, our
introductions were made via sex party and bookstore sex, respectively.
Something just clicked in those experiences, and what started out as
purely sexual gratification ended up as long-term romance. Some of my best
friends have started out being tricks. It's just part of the wacky world
of love vs. sex that opens its door the moment you open your fly.
So here you have a man who has a "boy" in another town and an open
relationship. You say you are fine with that, but it scares you to
discuss your feelings because of fear of losing him. Bear one thing in
mind...you don't have him. Someone else does, or at best is sharing
him. And you can't lose something you don't have. Except sleep. And you'll
lose a lot of that if you opt to keep silent. You'll torment yourself
with wanting to tell him of these feelings each time you see him, and you'll drive yourself
mad trying to think up ways to tell him. It is better to talk to him now and
save yourself all that anguish.
Now, what could happen if you do sit him down for the LOVE speech?
Worst case scenario: he totally wigs out and you never hear from him again.
Best case scenario: he tells you he feels the same and wants you as
one of his boys. Given how you have presented it, there are several
things weighing in for a favorable outcome.
- You say you have spent time cuddling, hanging out, talking, etc. This
is a good sign, in that it means you have been communicating around your
sleazy little sex rendezvous (grin). It can be assumed, since he
isn't putting on his pants immediately after he's done burying the bone,
he has more than just an idle interest in you.
- You live in San Diego, which means you live in Southern California,
which means there is no shortage of bottoms within 400 miles of you. You
say he calls you when he's horny. Good. That alone should tell you some
thing. Add that to the "he sticks around after sex" concept and see
if you can tell where I'm going with this.
- You've been bedding this guy for 6 weeks. It's almost time to pick
out china, for God's sake. He's still calling you and fucking you and sticking around
afterwards? After 6 weeks? We should all be so lucky. 6 weeks is half a gay
relationship. I think it's safe to assume there is a possible interest on his part.
Now, how to tell him. Well... gee... there's always the "get him in
the heat of passion" approach whereby you get him while he's nailing you.
It goes something like this:
YOU: "Yeah, daddy, yeah! Fuck your new boy's butt!"
HIM: "yeah, oh yeah!"
YOU: "You want this sweet ass as your property, sir?"
HIM: "Yeah, oh yeah!"
YOU: "You want me to be your boy, to fuck as long as we both shall live? You
want me to be your OTHER boy, the one who loves you and services only you in San Diego?"
HIM: "Yeah, boy"
YOU: "Am I your boy now sir?"
HIM: "I'm cumming, boy"
YOU: "Are you cumming in your new piece of property sir?"
HIM: "Yes, boy I am. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!"
YOU: "I love you sir"
HIM: "(breathing hard)"
Unfortunately, men often recite all sorts of bullshit when their cock
is buried in a warm, wet, cum hungry hole. So the above method is fine
if you're acting a scene in a porn filck, but it doesn't always work so
well in real life. That having been said, the number two method would be
to get comfortable with him and just spell it out. Tell him you want him
to keep you as his boy. He should be flattered. Hopefully he will not wig
out, and will be receptive to your advances.
Something else you should be considering is your role should he react
positively. If he takes you on as one of his boys, you are going to have to
settle for second fiddle. Most likely always. This kind of relationship
is complex, for it involves other people, their schedules and their emotions
as well. Add to the mix another city. Chances are he'll want to discuss your
proposal with his first boy
in LA before giving you an answer. And here's where I hoist a red flag: if
he decides not to talk over the inclusion of you in his "family" with Boy LA,
there could be a lot of trouble for you down the road.
He is not going to enjoy being stuck in the middle of an attention war
between two men, should it come to that. He may put you into service someday alongside Boy LA.
Will you be comfortable with that? As a sex toy, that scenario might be easier than as
his lover #2. These are just some considerations you need to give thought to.
~Bareback Jack.
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