Dear Jack,
I am an HIV negative bottom. A few years ago, I entered the world of bareback fucking when I contacted a
topman via a bareback web site. Before then I wasn’t aware of how much of a bottom I was, as I usually
found being fucked (with condom) somewhat painful. After a few raw dicks, I was hooked. To paraphrase
you in one of your responses to another letter, taking a load up my ass IS addictive, as one might be to
a highly addictive drug. Boy is that ever true! When I’m being fucked, I find myself begging him to
juice my hole, and I say all kinds of things that sound really silly when I recall them later. Like a
reflex, I use my ass muscles on his cock to coax out his load. I am thankful for my small circle of Hiv-neg
tops whom I can call on to cream my insides when the craving returns. When my partner cums inside me, I get
light headed, and I swear I enjoy his orgasm much more than my own.
Here’s my question. Taking semen is like a drug. But has it always been considered so? In the days before
HIV, was cum addiction something anyone talked about, or was it all taken for granted? In pre-condom porno
movies, one rarely ever hears the bottom beg for cum (as they do in today’s barebacking videos). I guess that
which is forbidden or considered risky provides more pleasure.
MR
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Dear MR,
For those of us who were sexually active prior to the introduction of HIV to the world population ~ and I’ll digress
for a brief moment to say that it is now believed by some researchers that HIV may have been around since about 1959,
but didn’t get a firm toehold in the human population until the mid-eighties ~ the onset of the virus and the immediate
panic afterward caused nearly everyone in the gay Western world to adopt the rather alien practice of wearing condoms.
This disconnected us from one of the primal aspects of sex: the exchange of semen. And that is part of the reason there
is a bareback backlash occurring today. You’re right. Semen is "like a drug", but its draw and its effects
may not be so much chemical as spiritual. More on that in a bit.
Consider one of the oldest complaints women have had about men. No, not that we leave the toilet seat up or refuse to
ask for directions… that left to his own devices the male of the species is not prone to monogamy. It’s one of the
reasons the construct of marriage came into being. Ideally, children fare better in the world when brought up by their
biological parents. In the days of the hunter-gatherer the male/female, father/mother roles were perhaps a bit more
cleanly divided. The males hunted, built, and defended the tribe, and the females prepared food and popped out kids to
keep the species alive. One thing the male has always had to his biological advantage is that he is capable of spreading
his seed far and wide by having intercourse with any number of females 365 days out of the year (more or less). Once
knocked up, females, on the other hand, are stuck with the burden of carrying the child for 9 months. But males, without
any social pressure to stay by the female and raise the children, often feel no compulsion to stick around for that phase.
Now if you consider other aspects of our biological world… let’s look at dandelions for instance… their continued
existence is all tied up in strewing their seed as far as possible. Since they don’t have legs by which to travel
and choose where to plant their seed, they manufacture seeds with long flags attached that catch the wind and carry
the seed away from the parent plant where it will hopefully land in fertile enough ground to create more dandelions.
Other plants have developed ingenious ways of spreading their seed, like the whirly seed pods of the Maple tree. And
those that haven’t developed such intriguing methods often rely on birds and insects to transmit both pollen and seed
to other more advantageous places.
Men are like dogs, it is said… and that becomes the basis for a good analogy in the animal kingdom. For if you had
all the dogs of the world running free, the male dogs (sires) would make a sport out of humping bitches whenever they
were in heat, regardless of breed, or which dog previously knocked the bitch up. And when they are done, the male dogs
leave the females with the responsibility of raising the pups until they are old enough to go out on their own to repeat
the cycle.
No matter where you look in the biological world, it’s there: the innate need to spread seed. It stands to reason then
that the other half of that equation, among creatures that can derive pleasure from their actions and the actions of
others, is that the act of receiving seed from another is also both enjoyable and innate. Since long before we lost our
tails and began walking upright, in fact, before we could realize the need or importance of copulation, man has been
squirting seed in his partner and his partner has willingly been receiving it. It is fundamental behavior, and it’s
something we (as all creatures) were biologically wired to do from the very beginning.
Another thing worth considering is the understanding that everything on this planet has consciousness. The unknown
element that holds the atom together is in every single thing that exists, and many spiritual and metaphysical scientists
agree that the stuff that fills in the spaces of the atom is consciousness itself. Therefore, when I unload my semen
into you, not only am I giving you my biological DNA, I am also giving you part of my consciousness… something sub-atomic
that is not physical, but completely of my being and the ‘being’ of everything else in the universe.
It should come as no surprise then that the era of AIDS has disconnected us from this basic, innate need and pleasure
of sharing semen. Our bodies at some cellular level must recognize that something is wrong with the whole safe-sex
protocol. If we are shooting our loads into little baggies that prevent the transfer of biological matter and sub-atomic
consciousness to our partners, the body must recognize that the process has been interrupted, and worse, defeated. Until
HIV and AIDS, sharing semen was just a routine part of having sex. And gay men could enjoy that routine more completely
because we could be versatile in the act of insemination, and we could have no concern that sharing our seed with each
other would result in the accidental creation of new life. Our gay bodies didn’t seem to recognize that we were
short-circuiting the biological chain of events, perhaps because we were still sharing that bit of our consciousness by
putting it inside of each other.
In the quarter century following the outbreak of HIV/AIDS, millions of men who only knew the basic joys of unprotected
sex have died. Those who haven’t have largely practiced condom use during sex. And a whole new generation of gay men
has come into being. Inside most men the little innate biological urge keeps tapping on their shoulders or whispering
in their ears. And for some who allow themselves the guilty pleasure of unprotected sex ‘just one time’, such as you
MR, that single exchange of semen reawakens the old biological need that has been forced into becoming dormant.
The joy you feel is what I believe to be the reconnection with your ‘self’ as well as with your partner and his “self’.
It is the spiritual and biological reawakening of what is purely natural and what your body and mind are wired for.
And that, I believe, is why you feel so high when you are having a man cream your insides. The chemical makeup of
semen may or may not have components that combine to create endorphins. To my knowledge there has not been any study
done on that subject. But the spiritual and metaphysical connection that occurs during raw sex seems to be quite real
for most men, whether they believe in spiritualism and metaphysics or not. And while rubbers may or may not inhibit
the transfer of consciousness, they do prevent the transfer of the ultimate essence of him to you (and vice versa).
So to specifically answer your questions: No, sharing loads wasn’t as big a deal back in the pre-AIDS days because
cumming in someone’s ass was ‘business as usual’, and I suppose it is something we all took for granted (there were
some men who fetishized cum, but there weren’t as many then as there are today). I don’t think that the joy of accepting
semen is locked up entirely in the taboo pleasure of doing something risky, though that certainly is a new twist on
an old subject. And as for porn, I can say that today’s porn is quite different in so many respects than the stuff
made 25 years or more ago. The audience has changed, our civilization’s perspective on porn has changed, the demand
for better production values has changed, and the technology used to produce porn films has changed. So again, while
I am sure that there is perhaps a biological and spiritual motivation for bareback porn actors (and even some in the
safe sex porn biz) to cry out and beg for the topman to deliver and the bottom man to ‘take it’, these other aspects
are likely ingredients as well.
I hope that gives you a clearer understanding of my thinking on the subject. May you enjoy your future sexual
encounters from a more sub-atomic level!
~Bareback Jack.
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