Dear Jack,
Great site. I am new to bb sex. I know nothing in life is for sure, but we can make decisions based on some thought and discussion.
I met this guy over the net. We had mutual interest. His profile said hiv neg. Also said he prefers bb sex, but not required. He is a bottom.
I am a top, and if I felt a comfort level with the guy on meeting, and felt he was honest about his neg status, I thought I will go for the bb option.
I am hiv neg.
We met, we got along fine and had great bareback sex 3-4 times over the next month. Not a boyfriend, but a good regular sex bud.
I must say people should control their lives as they wish, and they are responsible. I felt the bb was acceptable risk, I took the info given
and thought about it. Their are some extreme sex scenes that just don't work for me, so i don't go there -- nor do I judge the folks that do
partake -- Usually.
Another friend told me to check the site about San Francisco bareback gangbang parties. A bottom volunteers he will be the bottomboy,
and a group of men ( 25 max) all fuck the bottom boy raw, one after the other. But, the focus is on dropping a cumload in his ass, in fact
this is a rule. The loads are tallied and posted on the site. The tops selected by the party host -- not the bottom. The party is short... usually
2-3 hours. No mention of hiv types.
He was shocked some guys would go so far. I was shocked as well... especially since I never was a good bottom. All I thought was the guy's
ass would be torn up and bloody at the end of the night or at least REALLY SORE. But, admit I was aroused as this was a fantasy. I checked
the site a week later, and to my surprize the upcoming star bottom boy was the new guy I had sex with over the last month. The pic was
faceless, but it was unmistakenly him.
My heart stopped. I knew such parties go on all the time, but figured guys at these parties are extreme type men... almost underground types.
My sex bud is a mainstream professional, 20ish, cute, regular guy, accept for the bb thing. I could not imagine him doing this.
Seems to take extreme sex to a new level. He said he was negative when we met. Did he lie about that, or, does he just have a mission to get
hiv now?
What really concerned me was the cum-oozing-out-the asshole focus of the party, and no mention of hiv issues. Since the bottom boy does not
select the tops for the party, and he was gang banged - or - raped, he has no control over who fucks him or knowing their status. Of course he
is willingly getting "raped", but he has waived most all his input. The party hosts ask prospective tops to send a face and body pic, and if they
think he is a good fit, they send the invite. They said the tops need be in good shape, not fat, 18-40, and good-looking. Not much else requested.
The fantasy aspect of the party went away, as someone I fucked only a few days ago will soon allow fifteen or so unknown men line up and
shoot their cum up his ass.
What point do we go too far? If we take away the hiv issue, I would still worry that an ass, for example mine, would be ripped, torn, and bloody
by the fifth guy. Since is a gangbang, I don't think the fucking is slow and passionate. Some guys are pro bottoms, but this sure is a test.
I called my buddy and left a message to call me. I didn't give a reason, or mention the upcoming bottoming event he was to undertake. I didn't
want to come off as a lecture, but wanted to make sure he thought it over. Two messages later, he still had not returned my calls.
He still claimed to be negative after I read his profile online nine months later. I was still a bit bothered by the lack of thought used for the sex
party in general, but also bothered that he keeps writing he is hiv neg. I go further to check what he tells prospective sex partners. Under a
fake name I establish contact with him. We plan to meet soon for a sex date, and confirm we both are hiv neg, and that I will fuck him bareback.
The day before the sex date, I called him, and said I just seen a gangbang site, bareback, and he was a "boy of the month'' ie, he got fifteen
men to fuck him in a row, and all dropped their load up his ass. He acknowledged that was him, they all cummed up his ass, and that he is
still hiv neg. He said he had a test a month ago, with a negative result (this would be about eight months after the gangbang). He was
indignant that I would question his integrity, and said what he does on his time is his own business.
He is right that it is his own business. But, it also became mine when we had planned a meeting soon discussed bareback sex. His truthfulness
on the hiv status could impact me, as I could be exposed during a bare fuck.
I suppose that it is possible that all fifteen men are negative, and my bottom buddy and the party hosts took some time to disclose the hiv
status of all. But I don't think the odds are good, considering was year 2001, was in San Francisco, and the sex party and perhaps the
attendees could be consider a bit on the extreme side.
Jack, am I too vanilla? Do you think this is a sex role a bit over the top, not for the squeemish. Do you think someone can do this bottom
thing at such a party, and remain negative? The odds are better that Nancy Reagan will rim my ass, on a float during the next gay parade.
Of course, he could have lied about being negative from day one. I have negatives tests twice in the last year.
I respect his right, and anyone's, to do any nasty/extreme/wild sex that they wish, as long as it is consentual and don't harm others.
I did take issue that he goes on as hiv negative and hooking up with new bb partners. If he really is negative now, great. If not negative,
then he is risking the status of others with his denial.
Thanks for the chance to ask a question. Sorry for length of this question, please edit as needed.
Love -- Joey
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Dear Joey,
I don't edit my own material for length, so I won't edit yours :-)
You ask a number of important questions in your letter, and raise some equally important issues for thought...
even if unintentionally. I have a number of mixed feelings about the situation you present and how you are
dealing with it.
The primary area of concern is the business of your trust and other men's truthfulness in the face of HIV. You
say you trusted this guy enough to fuck him raw and now you feel uncertain of his integrity. One of the perks
of being fuckbuddies is that you can walk away from those relationships when they become inconvenient, problematic,
unhealthy, or even just due to sheer boredom. The office of Fuckbuddy comes with that exit clause automatically
written into the contract. It is because of this that there are certain drawbacks that accompany the lofty
social position of fuckbuddy. One of them is that a disposable relationship doesn't carry with it the same demand
for honesty that a full commitment does. The punishment for committing a crime of honesty is a lot worse when
you're married to the guy, so fuckbuddies get off easy.
A fuckbuddy is ideally for recreational sex. Trust is an important key in continuing to recreate. Unfortunately,
due to the accepted level of untruth telling these days and the lack of accountability, many people feel it is
excusable, even polite, to lie. The challenge then becomes how long he can keep you believing the lie. Once it
is exposed, the jig's up and the game over. Exit, stage right. And you are history, if that. The other challenge
that gets played in the game of fuckbuddy is to not fall in love. Never. Breaking this rule subjects you to
immediate disqualification. The other guy is free to go. There are lines you do not cross with your fuckbuddy.
I-L-Y is one of them.
It may sound like a no-win situation, but it really is a good alternative to being "married" or being single,
horny, and frustrated. And since some guys just want it up the ass without strings attached, fuckbuddies are
usually never out of season.
With this in mind, let's look more at your situation.
Where things turned for you was when you discovered he was bottoming for a group of strangers with the express
intention of being knocked up by each unknown guest. And while the idea may shock you, I'm one who finds that
kind of scene extremely hot. But then I like a certain sluttiness in men. Still, whenever I have been involved
in that kind of scene, including the one Hot Desert Knights taped, I have gone in with the assumption that
every bottom involved is HIV+Positive. That way I remain aware of where my limits will be. However, sliding
my dick in their cumsucking ass isn't past that line for me.
The assumption I make may not be fair. Perhaps not ALL bottoms at an anonymous bareback sex party are HIV+Positive.
Not for long, though. That kind of behavior will almost certainly lead one across the threshold to HIV Land.
ALMOST certainly. Not absolutely. There are rumored to be cases of men who claim to bottom for parties and are
still being tested negative. Since nobody loses a kidney or anything in this story, I'll not call it an urban myth.
But I have yet to see proof of that happening.
You are concerned over his cavalier attitude, and all but call it a death wish on his part. While his behavior is
undisputably reckless if he is HIV-Negative, he's probably not in it for suicide. I'd make the guess that it's
largely for the thrill of dodging the bullet. I know a few bottoms who lived for that thrill. They are all Poz
now. Some negative guys enter these kinds of events simply because they can't get enough sex and want as much
as possible in a special evening of entertainment. Live on stage... his cunt. Some guys have a 'Devil may care'
attitude about sex. Some a defeatist attitude. And let's not forget the PnP aspect and the large role it plays in
the sex party scene. Again, of all the types of guys I have known, from tweaker to natural sex addict, all who
adopted the identity of cumpig are now HIV+Positive.
The problem here is that, regardless of your fuckbuddy's reason, he is acting in a manner that you feel is unhealthy.
And you are angry/concerned/frustrated/disappointed with him over a betrayal. And rightly so. So here's what you do:
You exercise your rights under paragraph 86 of your fuckbuddy contract which is the "Walk Away" clause. End it.
He crossed the boundary between what you consider reasonably safe and unsafe. You aren't sure that he is telling
you the truth about his status (he may not actually have been tested in a while, either). And you don't understand
nor do you approve of the gangbang he was in. Okay, Joey, cut bait.
Now, on the other side... he hasn't answered your calls. That should be a good indication the fuck buddy thing is over...
at least for now. But then you did something I think goes overboard. You STALKED him! You made up a fictitious name
in order to corner him into telling you a new version of his truth. He acted (as anyone I know might, once they discover
they're being stalked) with hostility. But there again, it could be masking his own anger or even guilt over
you discovering something he didn't want you to know about. He may have acted with arrogance, but full disclosure
is not an automatic part of the fuckbuddy contract. That clause must be added. So he's technically correct in stating that
his entire sex life isn't your business. And yet for you it is, and that's not wrong either.
Whatever his motivations, if he's determined to go out and get royally fucked by groups of unknown men, there is nothing you
are probably going to be able to say or do to save him from himself. Care about him all you like, but try to
accept that you can't fix him if he doesn't want fixing. As far as you should be concerned, you had a good time,
he brought different things into your sex, and you have most likely come away from it with your HIV status intact.
You're a top in San Francisco... once the news gets out, you'll probably start having bottom guys pounding on
your front door hoping you'll pound in their back door.
It's really a disappointment when a good fuckbuddy lets you down. I know. It has happened to me numerous times.
And a few times I wondered what I had done wrong. Don't go there, Joey. He's not out there fucking the whole
free world because of anything you did or did not do. We all put that burden of rejection on ourselves so readily,
even when it is not deserved. I've found that sticking to your values helps keep things in balance. It helps
loosen your focus from 'that person' and move on to new conquests.
If his recklessness and his evasiveness have caused you to distrust him, it is he who will be losing the most.
He'll have lost your trust, your respect, and he'll have lost one damn good, concerned fuckbuddy. If you hadn't
forfeited points on the stalking incident I would have enterd you in the Model Citizen Hall of Fame!
One last item... while you and your friend were shocked that such gangbang events go on, that sentiment isn't shared
by everyone. Personally I love a good gangbang. And I'm familiar with the site, as an old fuckbuddy of mine runs those
very parties. I can't share your horror over the existence of a gangbang party... especially when cute boys are
making their buttholes available to fertile topmen like myself. And I understand the video that was made of their
December party is flying off the shelves. Frankly, I'm planning some similar-format parties here in good ol'
Arizona because I think the idea is as hot as our summer weather.
You're entitled to your opinion, and only you can determine if you're "too vanilla"...
don't misconstrue that my approval of this kind of scene somehow invalidates your feelings. But as
I said, you have found a great rift between your thinking and your fuckbuddy's. There are other
bottoms out there, some of whom undoubtedly feel the same as you. I'd go and audition for a new
fuckbuddy whom you can trust if I were you. Even if you don't find one right away, you'll have a
lot of fun testing the waters.
Best of luck to you, Joey,
~Bareback Jack.
Visit the CuteBoy BB Party website
and tell Tracy his ol' pal Jack sent you!
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