Dear Jack,
Is everyone who bareback's positive? Not that I care, but is that part of being indoctrinated into the "barebacking society"?
Is there truly a group of people who are not neccessarily positive, who are attractive, successful, intelligent, but hate condoms?
Are there other people out there like me who believe that if I'm attracted to you, and want to get naked with you and "throw down" with complete inhibition [abandon] and passion and sexual excitement, I do not want to wrap myself in plastic first?
I mean, if I feel that way, why should I be screwing you anyway? Isn't sex about being free and natural? Am I missing something?
And even if you are positive and tell me, aren't there ways, sans condom, that I can have a natural sexual experience with you?
Can't I suck your dick, kiss you, lick you all over, and I guess if you're fucking me, you can pull out? Am I crazy, or scientifically naive?
I just CAN"T wrap myself in plastic to fuck somebody who I am totally turned on by and attracted to. Will someone fuck me without a condom who is not trying to infect me (or vice-versa)!!!
I am totally Frustated, Unclear, Concerned, Knowledgable, Educated, Desperate. Am I the only person on the planet experiencing this frustration?
Am I destined to beat off alone the rest of my life?
Signed Sincerely and Honestly,
Frustrated, Unclear, Concerned, Knowledgable, Educated and Desperate
[FUCKED (or not much these days) Frank]
Clever, huh? - By the by, I went to college, and my mother is proud :) And it's more than one question too - sorry, but I'm can be a bit "ballsy"
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Yo, Frankie!
I think you're asking questions most HIV-Negative men ask themselves. We know that "Safe Sex" is an unnatural thing. We know that skin to skin is more pleasurable, and up until 20 or so years ago it was perfectly normal. But we also know unprotected sex, for all its virtues, carries with it a high level of risk, especially to those accepting body fluids.
While a few of your 'questions' are hypothetical and therefore need no answer, you also ask a few very important questions. Allow me to answer them as succinctly as possible.
First, is everyone who barebacks HIV+Positive? No. Barebackers fall on both sides of the HIV barrier. However I do believe the greater number of men who bareback are HIV+Positive. And to answer your second question, no, there is no protocol or 'indoctrination' that requires one to seroconvert in order to be a barebacker. Seroconversion happens as a result of carelessness or a bad choice in partners. And that is how many people exploring the wonderful world of barebacking end up Poz.
I cannot stress enough that barebacking is NOT about passing the virus along to others. Barebacking IS about getting the maximum level of pleasure out of fucking. Anyone who thinks that barebacking contains an obligation to dutifully transmit HIV should be avoided. There is something seriously wrong with that kind of thinking.
Next you ask if there is a group of HIV-Negative men who are basically good people who prefer bareback sex. Of course there are. You're writing to one. As for an 'organized' group, there are none that I know of. That doesn't mean such a group doesn't exist ~ it means I have not been made aware of any as of this time. Could such a group exist? Certainly. But it would require a certain amount of policing to ensure that all its members are HIV-Negative before screwing each other. I don't think that many people are up to maintaining that level of security.
Your next round of questions are more or less hypothetical, so they don't need answers. That doesn't mean I won't give you answers...
Are you crazy, or scientifically naiive? Nah. You're human, with human desires. You want to enjoy your sex without barriers, but you don't want to sacrifice your health in the process. And this is the great quandry we HIV-Negative barebackers face every day. Only you can decide how much risk you are willing to take in the quest for ultimate sexual pleasure. Only you can determine the values of your health vs. your sexplay. Arming yourself with the kind of knowledge we present here can ease the anxiety somewhat. But the ultimate decision is yours and nobody else's.
As food for thought, keep in mind that even those who use condoms welcome risks into their lives whenever engaging in sexual activity. A person might not acquire HIV while having 'safe sex', but no condom in the world will prevent an unexpected and sudden heart attack, nor provide immunity from something going terribly wrong during a scene involving kink. And hell, there are these little critters called scabies that can be had simply by making physical contact with someone who already has them... or crabs for that matter. Condoms don't prevent crabs. Only fools think condoms are foolproof.
Lastly, you ask if someone will fuck you without trying to infect you. I'm sure there are plenty of men who would. But you do indicate a certain belief that anyone who might infect you would do so on purpose. The fact of the matter is that most HIV infections occur accidentally. Poor or no communication and discussion about HIV status (also called "negotiation"), or having sex with someone who doesn't know their current HIV status are the most common reasons for HIV transmission. If you want to stay healthy in the world of barebacking you need to talk about it with your potential partners.
Some types of people to avoid in order to help ensure your continued good health are: partiers (those who use chemicals as sex drugs), sluts, and people with generally poor hygiene top the list. I have other sugegstions under the Dear Jack column, "How Do I Know He's Truthfully Negative?". Knowing your sex partner and his sexual habits is your best defense. I'm all in favor of friends who fuck. Those relationships can be very fulfilling... in more ways than one. Learning to be picky about who you allow into your body is another excellent defense.
I can't answer whether or not you'll spend the rest of your life beating off. That's up to you to decide. I know how lonely and unfulfilling it is to lose a greater number of ejaculations to your hand than to the warm, moist insides of another fellow barebacker. I live that every day. But because I have been selective in deciding who I'll fuck and under which circumstances, I have managed so far to remain negative. I hope the same will happen for you.
Wisdom teaches us that moderation is indeed a good thing.
~Bareback Jack.
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