Dear Jack,
As a 32 year old faggot, I never knew
of a gay world with out aids.
Although I had a few random encounters
in high school, I was too scared
of HIV to even have gay sex till I was
22. I am VERY glad I decided to
take the risk and start getting laid.
I have fucked with condoms only a
few times because it feels unnatural
and nothing beats jizzing up a hot
hole or mouth. As a top, I feel that
the risks are worth it.
When I came across your website and
xtremsex website, I could not believe
that "bugchasers" and "giftgivers" existed.
When I first read the dangerfuck
ads and the raw encounters story "bugbrother"
I found them very disturbing.
But I could not get them out of my mind. I
found myself jacking off thinking
about them. As a neg guy who wants to stay
neg, I could not initially fathom
this type of behavior or desire. And yet,
these stories and ads of planned
infections got my cock rock hard. I
thought a lot about why this was so
exiting and I think it is because
bugchasers and giftgivers have given
themselves over completely to pig sex
and do not have the worries and cares
that most people have.
I think that
bugchasers are the ultimate sex radicals,
going against everything that society has
instructed them. They have decided
to take the ultimate step in affirming
ownership over their own bodies.
Like getting a tattoo, bugchasers have marked
themselves as permanent outsiders.
As the gay community becomes more mainstream
and boring, bugchasers stand apart
as true individuals making a radical statement.
Although I do not want to join
them in such an act, I salute and
respect the bugchasers choice. Gays who
condemn barebacking and bugchasing need
to remember that all gay sexual behavior
is still viewed by the majority of society
as revolting and sick. These gay
puritans need to respect and honor
people's individual choices.
I understand your decision to delete
dangerfuck. I think that it is worth
sacrificing this one part so that the
whole can survive. But I wanted you to
know how thought provoking, provocative,
interesting and fascinating dangerfuck
was. It really got me thinking. I will
miss it. By providing an opportunity
for the voice of bugchasers and giftgivers
to be heard, you have truly done
something incredible. Your bravery in
including this radical thought on your
website stands as a tribute to your original,
ground breaking mind. You should be
very proud.
I would love to hear if you have had any
discussions with bugchasers about
why they decided to take such a severe step.
~Dave, Los Angeles
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Dear LA Dave,
You bring up some very interesting
and important issues and have made
some interesting deductions about
bugchasers. But let me throw my
take on the Dangerfuck thing at you.
I have corresponded with a few
"bugchasers" and have received a few
different reasons for them wanting
to become infected. The primary
reason is a kind of "let's get it
over with" attitude: some bottoms
feel as though they are going to
get it someday, and they would rather
become infected in a sort of rite of
passage... to be inducted into
the brotherhood of POZ men by a
brother. It strikes me as a means of
controlling the uncertain. After all,
some of us get into a hot bath
by dipping our toes into the water
first... others of us prefer to
immerse ourselves in one quick
move, regardless of the temperature.
Then there are those who find infection
as the ultimate kink. Some
men like to be beaten, strangled,
or lacerated during sex, but
what could be more erotic to them
than receiving the "death fuck"?
Others seem to be gamblers and
enjoy the thrill of playing "russian
roulette" ~ how many times can they
get fucked by a POZ guy and
survive it unscathed?
And then there is a group of men
who are already infected, most of
whom received the virus without
premeditation, who find a security
in re-creating the experience at
the hands of someone who will
"lovingly" pass on their virus.
Again, this is a control motive,
but it is rooted in fantasy. I liken
this to a degree to those men
who we all know have turned more
tricks than a Jack Russell terrier
yet advertise they are "bi-curious"
or that it's their first time
for having gay sex. It's fantasy
role playing for these men.
As a negative male, I understand
your aversion to "bug-chasing".
That is also not my style. However,
like yourself, I have found
there is a strong eroticism to
the whole concept. My dick gets
hard thinking about a bottom boy
giving up his negative ass to
a group of men whose only purpose
is to infect him by way of a
hot gang-fuck. I've blown many
a wad into my hand fantasizing
about watching a conversion scene
in person. And I have had a lot
of fun with a couple of bottoms
pretending I am HIV positive and
sperming their holes. Both of us
are negative, and both have been
turned on by the fantasy. But it's
a nut-buster for sure! And yet,
were I poz, I can't see myself
being a "gift-giver".
It is a very powerful fantasy on many levels.
Some "bugchasers" may be radicals,
but I would disagree that they
are taking control of their bodies.
Perhaps for the moment the
dangerfuck is occurring they are...
however after infection
sets in their bodies are
controlled by the virus, and their
lives are controlled by medication,
their health-care providers,
the government, insurance companies,
and more. Ask anyone who
has HIV, and the answer will
be pretty much the same: life's a
bitch and then you fuck.
Of course, I feel as though it
is important for any man who is
seriously considering chasing HIV
to talk with others who have
it... and not just about how they
can be inducted into the
brotherhood of POZ. Ask about how
their life has changed. Ask
about the meds, the side-effects,
and the way the regimen
dictates their daily schedule.
Ask about physical losses to the
men who have it. Ask about family
reactions. And ask yourself
if your physical, emotional and
mental well-being is really what
you want to exchange for the
ability to take any fuck offered.
And remember, as a POZ man, you
may find your number of potential
fucks could be reduced, depending
on where you live and the
amount of AIDS hysteria
prevalent in your community.
Thanks, Dave, for your praise
of my efforts! "Dangerfuck" is gone
because of social stigma, but
discussion of Dangerfuck is far
from over.
~Bareback Jack.
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